Three Steps of Disciplining With Love
Three Steps of Disciplining With LoveStep One: R=TLCTLC is the way to help parents remember to use methods of tender, loving care.Step Two: Clarifying AgreementsThere are three essential parts to clarifying agreements knows as “The three Ws.” The three W’s WHO, WHAT and WHEN. Who is going to do what when?Personal AgreementsWhen a parent must address a child’s undesirable behavior, damage to the child’s self-esteem can be avoided when the parent describes the behavior, rather than labelling the child. The distinction makes a big difference in your effectiveness when dealing with problems. With a bit of planning, you can avoid a lot of tension away from home by preparing your children for what to expect ahead of time.Step Three: Follow ThroughAvoid praising the person. Confronted with general praise children may feel the parent is not telling the truth. However, children will readily accept that they did a good job on a task when you acknowledge their behavior specially. But make a point of catching them being good.- one of free choice. Do you want chocolate, vanilla or strawberry?
R=TLC is the path to self-actualization.
The goal here is to develop a child’s ability to respond appropriately given the needs of a situation, by teaching them how to be a good thinker, and a loving and confident person. The two most import ways parents teach their children is by setting their own example and by actively problem-solving with them. Children are far more interested in what we do than in what we say. Teaching children how to respond appropriately requires continuous attention from parents to make sure that their own behavior is consistent with what they expect from their children. It is obvious that if you don’t want your child to lie, then you shouldn’t lie. Children learn how to solve personal problems by experiencing how the parent solve problems. A parent’s guidance of a child needs to be subtle and constant.
Three types of agreements * Mandatory * Flexible * Personal
Even if you have made your best effort to explain why something is the case, there is still no guarantee that the child really heard you or understand what you said. It is always better to clarify whether or not you have reached an agreement. The idea is not to lecture a child but to actually gain the child’s participation in deciding what would be the right action. Assertive statements begin by stating “who” proceed to “what” and close with “when.” Example whoever makes a mess cleans it up. If help is needed a person can ask for it. Mom can advise you need to clean that up now. Many parents do not clarify the essential when to their children. If you say now the child understands that it means immediately. If you say as soon as you can your child may think you mean by dinnertime, before bedtime or whatever. This is avoided if the parent clarifies the agreement by stating a particular time.
Mandatory Agreements- means that you must be responsible for living up to the agreement because of the importance of the situation. Until children are old enough to understand safety issues, parents have to be vigilant in protecting them, and a the same time teach them the seriousness of the situation. Safety rules are mandatory.
Flexible Agreements- While safety agreements have few exceptions, there are many situations where new agreements can be made that reflect the changing needs of a situation.
We want to encourage our children to develop their personalities by making decision from a wide range of acceptable choices. As they get older, they need increasingly more opportunities to exercise free choice over their lives. This is essential for building confidence and promoting healthy independence. After coming to an agreement, you need to verify your understanding of the agreement by using the Three W’s. The goal of Step 2 is to help children become clear about what the agreements are and to adopt the agreements as guides for the behaviour that each person has agreed to.
Another breakthrough for parents is to understand that when children know better, they do better. You can easily figure out what a child knows by observing their actions. Just because a child does something once or even twice, does not mean that they have attained mastery and truly knows its. Repetition is often required from them to really understand something and assume full responsibility for being consistent with it.
If your children see themselves as failures, they will attract failure;Submitted by
if they see themselves as successful, they will attract success.
Patricia Lessard
Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor