More Disciplining With Love Techniques
More Disciplining With Love Techniques
Natural Consequences Logical Consequences
Some lessons are better learned through experience, which is still our greatest teacher. This type of learning rapidly builds children’s thinking skills. Except for the time when a child is in an unsafe situation, it might be best to let nature take it’s course. With logical consequences there is a direct cause and effect relationship between two events.
Molly agrees that cleaning her room before noon is logical because of the family schedule, because she is older she has more responsibilities. Fair does not always mean equal. Avoid using consequences such as an unrelated (arbitrary) punishment, a consequence that the parent makes up because in their opinion it matches the mistake.
Planning Ahead
Parents need to prepare children for transitions. With a bit of planning, you can avoid a lot of tension away from home by preparing your children for what to expect ahead of time. Tell them where they are going and why. When agreements are put in place ahead of time, a lot of headaches can be avoided. On the way home, you have a captive audience and a perfect time to Catch Them Being Good. Ignore the little things that went wrong and tell your children what was right about the outing. Positive acknowledgment reinforces Good behaviour.
Timeout
Everyone needs to take time out. It should be used routinely as a stress management technique, but not as a punishment.
Timeout has often been used as a punishment. The child is told, “You were bad so you have to have a timeout or be grounded or go to their room.” Timeout is better used as a valuable stress management technique that everyone needs, including the parents. Timeout is a period to relax and figure out a solution to a problem. The amount of time depends on the needs of the situation.
Thinking Takes Time! By taking time out you can get control of your feelings and plan what to say and do. This techniques does not mean that once everyone is in a good mood you can just forget the problem. With everyone calm and relaxed, you can now begin to solve the problem.The Look
The look can be a warning or a strong negotiating tool. By concentrating your attention on the child when negotiating agreement, he or she will feel compelled to resolve problems quickly, simply due to being in the spotlight. It is a look from a parent to a child saying I’m paying attention to you, or I’m wondering what you are doing, or I thought we had an agreement.
Responsible parents use a lot of different signals with children. The look accompanied by saying I’d like you to think about what you’re doing, can turn around a potentially undesirable situation in a hurry.
1. Use the look in a non=threatening manner to establish consistent eye contact
2. Lean your body toward the child in expectation of an appropriate response.
3. Make sure the child understands the nature of the problem and give them a chance to offer a solution by saying,
“I want to know what you think will solve this problem.”
4. Then be quiet. Wait for the child’s response.
When parents talk too much, they interfere with the child’s concentration. The goal here is not for you to solve the child’s problem, but for you to help the child engage in active problem solving with you. Without the child’s active participation in problem solving and agreement with the solution, power struggles may continue. When you maintain eye contact with your child, they must pay attention to your conversation. This by itself is a powerful technique that motivates your child to want to resolve the problem. It creates a healthy nonsense, this is business, the problem needs to be solved now atmosphere.
Moving In
If there is a problem, instead of asking your child to come to you, get up and go to the child. Body language speaks volumes. Moving in may only mean leaning forward in your chair, or tilting your head in the child’s direction. If your child is acting inappropriately and is not paying sufficient attention to your signals, move toward the child in a non-threatening manner. Moving in gets a child’s attention fast. This technique works best in a discipline situation when you avoid asking your child to come to you. The dynamic is entirely different. Your body language communicates more than you might realize. It is important not to move in when you are angry, since this creates fear. Move in to teach or avert danger, not express anger. Moving in can also add an intimate, rewarding, bonding dimension to your relationship with your children.
Contracts and The Good Habit Chart
This is an excellent technique to remove confusion about what was agreed upon between parent and child. A contract is an agreement between parent and child that is written by the child, signed by all concerned parties and posted in an obvious place as a reminder. This is a way to keep track of changing bad habits into good ones. This technique should only be used temporarily on behaviours that are hard to change.
The child should always be in agreement with the changes that need to be made,
rather than manipulated into doing something that they don’t want to do.
Submitted by
Patricia Lessard
Certified Breakthrough Parenting Master Instructor
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Patricia
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