The Place In The Grove Presents

Let’s Define and discuss the leadership styles

Understanding the Behaviour

Empathy or compassion demonstrates kindness, nurturing and acceptance. When parents have empathy for their children, they encourage the development of this trait in their children, and strengthen their bond with them at the same time. The empathetic parent makes every effort to understand the behavior of a child as an expression of his or her underlying thoughts, feelings and unmet needs.

Mom identifies what is causing the behaviour, she then addresses the problem by thinking of a way to meet the children’s needs directly. Many of the behaviours that children exhibit do not need to be encouraged with attention. The compassionate parent empathizes with the child’s point-of-view and maintains harmony by helping them get their needs met in a constructive, safe way. This style requires receptive listening and compassion on the part of the parent.

Shared Decision making

This leadership style relies on your child’s participation with you in decision making. For example, you begin by encouraging your child to express his or her point of view. Each child is encouraged to listen receptively to the other child’s point of view and to yours as well. You then allow the child to “experiment” with what they believe to be good ideas. This method of parenting allows children to experience having a voice and fosters confidence and independent problem solving. The parent who shares responsibility thinks, “My job is to guide children so they can learn to solve their own problems.” This is using influence.

Hands Off

This leadership style is non-directive. Children are encouraged to assume as much responsibility as they can safely handle. The goal is to allow them the freedom to experiment and to learn from their experience on their own terms. The parent is available to provide direction, if necessary. She keeps a sharp eye on them to make sure they don’t hurt each other. Eventually, they solve their own problem and find another activity. The hands off parent thinks, “If I don’t interfere, the children will work it out by themselves.” Children can often think of better solutions than we can. When parents pay attention to squabbles, they can perpetuate them. The hands off method can build good thinking skills because children, left to their own resources, must decide how to solve their own problems.

Be very careful not to resort to hands off parenting when a stronger leadership role is needed. \in many situations children simply are not mature enough to make wise choices on their own. Too much hands off style is overly permissive, leaving children in charge and without parental guidance which creates disharmony. Children require structure to feel safe.

Taking Charge

Often the simplest and best leadership style is to take charge, to be a director. Taking charge provides direction and structure. This is the style that most parents use. This should be used last. It can be overused and can easily turn into controlling a child rather than influencing a child to be self-referring. If you must, for safety’s sake, step in, \I suggest that you follow up your action with an explanation, perhaps at a later time when the child is more able to listen.

If mom had tried to teach while the children were angry with each other, the children wouldn’t really be able to hear her. When people are angry, they are feeling fear and are in a closed=off state. After a timeout, their perspective returns and a teachable moment can occur. The take charge parent thinks, I need to improve upon this situation by stepping in and actively problem-solving.

Choosing the Best Style for the Situation

Parents decide which style to use according to the needs of the situation. Parents may use all four styles in a disciplinary situation. First assess the needs of the situation and then decide which leadership style will work best for your children at the time. f you believe your children can figure out the solution to their own problems them step back. If there are multiple solutions ask the children for one or offer a suggestion (shared). When a child is likely to be hurt, move in and be a director (taking charge).

Do not just pick one leadership style learn to successfully use them all.

Submitted by

Patricia Lessard

Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor

71 Responses to “Leadership Styles”