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Discipline With Love Instead of Punishing

Discipline on the other hand does not inflict pain or interfere with self-esteem. Discipline promotes self-actualization. One way to determine if you are using discipline or punishment in a situation is to ask yourself how you feel during and after the encounter. Parents don’t feel guilty after disciplining a child. After punishment they are more inclined to be sad, worried, frustrated. Some parents may go to great lengths to justify a punishment in an attempt to overcome these negative feelings.

In Breakthrough Parenting discipline means to teach or train primarily by using one’s influence. It implies being a guide, instructing or enlightening another. Sometimes discipline means taking charge of a situation when a child can’t. A child may experience being disciplined or taught as uncomfortable. However, there is a big difference between feeling discomfort and feeling the physical and emotional pain of being punished.

There are a variety of ways to discipline children without causing them to experience pain. Parents who rely more on influencing, rewarding and communicating than on using force will have more successful relationships with their children, who in return will be more cooperative.

Discipline – means to teach
Discipline with love – means to teach responsible behaviour using tender, loving care.

The most important way parents teach is by example.

Discipline does not mean punishment.

In this method, discipline means to use influence rather than manipulative rewards or power to accomplish the goal of training children to be responsible. The goal is for children to develop an internal reference as to what is appropriate behaviour, one that they have arrived at because it makes sense to them, not because it is forced on them. If you just dictate family rules to your children, you invite rebellion, especially during times when there is no one to supervise. The question is not whether a family will have rules, but who sets them – only the parents or the parents and children together.

An advanced parenting technique is to use the principle of participation in deciding family rules. Children need to develop their thinking abilities by doing active problem-solving. A powerful disciplinary technique is to turn a problem over to a child to exercise their own mental muscles in getting problems solved. You may be surprised to see how resourceful your child can be in thinking of solutions.

It is easy to take a shortcut and simply decide for your child. It is also true that there are situations that call for you to make an instant decision. However, with a little extra time, you frequently can strengthen the child’s ability to respond appropriately by helping them think through the circumstances and come a good decision.

Three Steps of Disciplining With Love

Step One: R=TLC

TLC is the way to help parents remember to use methods of tender, loving care.
R=TLC is the path to self-actualization.

The goal here is to develop a child’s ability to respond appropriately given the needs of a situation, by teaching them how to be a good thinker, and a loving and confident person.

Step Two: Clarifying Agreement Who, What and When

Step Three: Follow Through. Catch them being good. They need to know that you appreciate them and notice their successes. “Good for you!” “That’s right!” “Terrific, you did it!”

Nothing succeeds like success.

Submitted by
Patricia Lessard
Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor

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