The Place In The Grove Presents

I-Statements

Statement sentences give children a context for understanding why they ought to cooperate, rather than resist. With statement sentences, parents bring their children into the discussion with equal responsibility for solving the problem.

There is an expectation that children can work through the situation to its logical conclusion. The parents are influencing, not controlling or forcing. The result is more cooperation. The child is learning good problem-solving techniques. This is an important life-skill.

I-statements are less threatening to either person in the conversation. They also show respect for the person with whom you are communication. They do not generate feelings of being talked down to. I-statements are often phrased as a plea for help by parents, and children love to feel that they are helpful. I-statements provide a valuable way for others to know the limits of what you will accept. I-statements are a way to tell the truth in a non-attacking way. Your child might have to think about what you are saying, especially if they are emotionally sensitive about it. You might need to agree to continue the discussion at another time.

Receptive listening involves doing three things at once:

1. Determining what the other person is feeling or thinking,

2. Assessing the situation, and

3. Discovering the reason why the person feels the way they do

regarding the circumstance or situation.

The formula for receptive listening is:

You are __________ about ____________ because __________.

Feeling situation reason

One of the biggest mistakes in communicating with others is forgetting that you are suppose to be listening and immediately start problem-solving. Problem solving is not receptive listening. This can be annoying to the person who needs to be listened to. Your job is to help the other person solve their own problems.

Questions like these may cut off communication:

a. What is the matter?

b. Why did you do that?

c. What happened?

d. Why didn’t you tell them what you were thinking?

e. Don’t you think you should have made a different choice?

Door openers keep the flow of ideas open. These are verbal and non-verbal cues that demonstrate that you’re listening. You might nod your head, use expressions such as “uh-huh, Wow or Yes or I hear you.

Use the receptive listening formula:

t seems to me that…..

…….your feelings were hurt when I insisted that you get ready to leave right away.

Submitted by

Patricia Lessard

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