The Place In The Grove Presents

Discipline

When you use “discipline” the child feels understood and respected, because you are teaching, you are criticizing, belittling or creating fear. But you can only discipline effectively when a child is receptive to hearing what the parent is teaching. It can strengthen the bond and helps the child develop inner-control. Also promoting confidence and self-esteem. We need to avoid the temptation to solve all problems immediately.

Punishment

“Punishment” is the use of either physical or psychological pain to force a child to obey. The punisher assumes they know better and assumes control over the child’s behaviour. What happens when you use punishment is the child learns not to trust their inner process and to be controlled by a power outside of themselves. When a child doesn’t develop their inner process or conscience they wait for others to tell them what is acceptable behavior, never learning to make responsible decisions.

Depending on the degree and frequency, punishment leads to resentment, revenge and passive/aggressive behaviour. It also halts creativity and the ability to develop tools to solve problems independently. It does not contribute to producing a psychologically healthy child.

We need to develop children who have the ability to be good thinkers and life-long learners committed to making the world a better place. We need to think of our role as our Child’s steward we need to prepare our children for a very different future, because when they spread their wings, they will be flying into uncharted territory.

In order for children to be successful they will have to be adaptive, creative and quick to learn new way of doing things. They must be able to work with others in resolving problems. Today’s children will need to know themselves, which means they need to develop a high degree of self-esteem. They must also be in touch with their feelings and respond to them in appropriate ways. This requires inner-direction.

As you a steward you help children grow up to be in charge of their destiny; a destiny that the stewards cannot fully predict. That’s why a steward pays attention to helping children develop qualities such as being eager to learn new things and being adaptable, emotionally well-adjusted, skilful and socially responsible. We are teaching our children how to function for themselves.

Many of us determine our self-worth based on others’ opinions this is very common and is called being “outer-directed”. If others approve of us, we are worthy, if others disapprove of us, we feel we must not be worthy.

Authoritarian parenting uses punishment which creates children which are outer-directed. Psychological and physical punishment. Fear is the natural result. Punishment is a powerful tool for controlling others. It creates fear and when children are afraid of their parents the parents have incredible power over them. So punishment works against a child’s ability to develop into a thinking, loving and confidant person. The use of punishment also creates resistance, rebellion, lying or begrudging compliance. It works best only in a short term situation and when the punisher is present. As misbehaviour becomes an assertion of their desire to be self-determined.

When children behave consistently with the principle, I alone am responsible for my thoughts, feelings and behaviour, they will have attained self-mastery.

- To control by causing psychological or physical pain.- To teach by showing how to assume responsibility.Submitted by

Patricia Lessard

Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor

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